A couple of my friends got me hooked on chuck norris jokes. These are my favs:
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
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